The Pause After the Pursuit

After more than 30 years of living in the daily grind chasing deadlines, battling stress and anxiety, and powering through sleepless nights just to keep up—I finally asked myself:

What is this all for?

I grew up in a humble home in the Philippines, where life wasn’t always easy. I had to start the race early. I pushed myself to be at the top of my class because I wanted to make my parents proud. I remember my mom never attended any of our school’s Parent-Teacher Association (PTA) meetings. When I asked her why, she said it was because my class ranking wasn’t high enough.

I still remember how jealous I was of my classmates whose parents showed up—even when they weren’t in the top 10.

After college came another mountain: the CPA board exams. In the Philippines, that license is a must if you want to start strong in the accounting world. My goal back then was simple—earn money and give back to my family.

I started my career as an auditor in the Philippines. It was physically, intellectually, and emotionally exhausting. And the sad truth? I barely earned enough to survive. That’s when I knew: I had to find work abroad.

I landed an accountant role in Doha, Qatar. I left the Philippines alone, carrying nothing but my dreams and determination. At that time, my dad was retiring and three of my siblings were still in school. It was up to me and my brother to carry the load.

Years passed, and though I was thankful, I never saw Qatar as my long-term home. I always envisioned a different life—settled somewhere else, somewhere I could finally breathe. I looked into Australia, Canada, New Zealand, the U.S.—but all those paths were complicated due to my credentials and work history.

So I shifted focus. I earned my (US) CMA and started pursuing the ACCA. I even did something risky: I tried to return to audit after a five-year gap. It’s rare for firms to take back former auditors who’ve been out of the loop that long. But one mid-tier firm gave me a shot, and I’ll never forget that chance.

Fast forward to today: I’m still in audit, but now I’m a permanent resident of Ireland. I finally left Qatar and found a slower, more peaceful life. Sure, audit is still hectic (that part hasn’t changed), but I’ve made peace with the fact that this is part of the path I chose—and it’s what brought me here.

Now, in my 30s, I sit on my balcony at night, reflecting on everything I went through to get here. And for the first time in a long time… I feel still.

My heart is content.

I can breathe.

I can rest.

I’ve been in motion for as long as I can remember—always chasing, always pushing. But now, I think I’ve earned this pause. I think I need this pause.

Soon, I’ll start dreaming again.

Soon, I’ll begin a new pursuit.

But tonight?

Tonight, I’m just sitting with the quiet.

Appreciating where I am.

And finally—finally—just being.